| Janusz Korczak |
The situation grows ever worse with respect to our domestic existence. Despite Mama's great resourcefulness certain shortages are making themselves felt. Especially as it is no longer easy to buy anything, despite the fact that we still have money.
Dr. Zygmunt has disappeared without a trace. Everyone in the house tries to avoid the subject. Only Sulenka whispers from time to time: "It is taking Daddy such a long time to build that little house for us that I can't wait for him to come and tell us that we can see it."
Poor child. In her girlish head she has already furnished her room, allocating separate space for the dolls which she is to "inherit" from me. Hearing his sister's plaintive complaint Josek simply turns into a wild wolf. He clenches his fists on his breast as if trying to restrain his thumping heart and hisses like a snake, sifting the words through his teeth as he comes close to Sula so only she can hear him well:
"Stop talking about it! Look after your dolls because I see that you are still such a brat that you don't understand anything. As a girl you will never understand men's business, that's for sure. Daddy is gone - understand?"
Seeing Sula's eyes open wide in surprise, he added: "You must forget that Daddy was with us. He is hidden away and it is not allowed to talk about him or they will take him away altogether. Do you understand? Because if not then you'll get frostbite in your legs just like Lala and I that time!"
Sula was terrified of this, having previously seen our wounds and the suffering they caused us.
In that way Josek forced all sorts of vows and promises from Sula that they did not have a daddy at all. And - surprise! Sula accepted it with amazing speed. There were moments when she began to open her little mouth to say: "When Daddy..."etc., but immediately fell silent or changed the subject herself.
Jos believes, as he confessed to me one evening, that his father was sure to be waiting somewhere in hiding and would appear among us as soon as he was able to come out. Of course I supported this hope and began to believe that perhaps it would be so.
Not just because I wanted it to happen - because which of us did not? But I wanted it with all my heart for his children, so lovely and intelligent, that he should live and should at last be here with us. And his wife, who shared such great love with him and with all their family - with ourselves.
A day does not pass at present when Mama and Mrs. Irma do not go to the city, Mama with the familiar large brown briefcase under her arm. Papa had it specially made out of thin boxcalf, with locks and keys. I knew that it contained money, bonds, valuables and other important documents. During the battles for Warsaw in 1939 Mama showed me these things and told me that I must save this briefcase first in case of some misfortune.
I guessed the purpose for which it was being used now. So I often asked God as they were leaving that they should return with a successful result. But to no avail so far. And that is weighing us down most painfully.
And so everyone shuts themselves off with their own thoughts gradually. Because of this the formerly carefree atmosphere which once prevailed among us has disappeared like a burst soap bubble.
During meals - still shared, although modest, in a group at the table in the dining room - there are times when someone opens their mouth to say something they would like to say. But having glanced at the sad faces and eyes of the diners they lower their own eyes and try to think about something other than the sad and terrifying reality.
Even Sulenka no longer "twitters" in her bird-like little voice. For some time she has been talking to her dolls in whispers. So it was often difficult to hear what she was saying to them. But by accident I once heard her complain that they were lucky because they could not talk. I still had three dolls which could say "Mama" after being wound up. At first she played a lot with these.
But recently she put them aside like unloved children and my heart broke for her. I liked to read bedtime stories to her and had a book with Andersen's beautiful tales, also books by Janusz Korczak and others. But I am studying a lot now so do not have as much time as previously. This is because I have managed to get into the school of nursing.
Of course, aside from theory and whatever practical exercises I do, I also teach Sula and Jos and Maryla, also Freda sometimes. After such lessons little Sula practices on the dolls. And so, what was previously a room with dolls is now transformed into a hospital.
No comments:
Post a Comment